Emotional Agility is Critical for Leaders in this Crisis
- Josephine Too
- Apr 17, 2020
- 4 min read
Updated: Jul 1
The feelings of being overwhelmed have finally caught up with me this week. I've been busy responding with DOING and taking action, and since I've had my first wave of shock and coping, I was not expecting this second wave. Maybe it has sunk in more, especially regarding the global impact, and maybe it is because I have not stopped and checked in with myself to acknowledge my rising emotions. I find myself trying to control things, arguing over small matters, having constant self-critical thoughts about my productivity, getting defensive in response, questioning my own decisions and really needing more sleep. These behaviours are sabotaging my day and creating strain in my relationships.
Even though I intellectually "know" the emotional process I am going through (as explained in this HBR article) and my life is pretty good given the circumstances, the uncertainty at a global level and the extent of it is causing some form of anxiety.
Susan David talks about Emotional Agility in this TED talk, and she defines it as the ability to be connected with your emotions: with curiosity, compassion, and especially the courage to take values-connected steps. So many of us are disconnected from what we are feeling and instead are acting on them with lots of knee-jerk reactions. And some of us have labels on emotions as positive and negative in a way that is not healthy as it stops us from expressing our truth and actually allowing the emotional release that a human being needs before we can move into the next healthy stage of taking the right action. To be able to connect with our emotions and be honest that we are acting on it instead of being aware of it requires self-awareness. And if we can't connect with ourselves and lead ourselves, how do we step up to lead those around us?
Susan says, "The conventional view of emotions as good or bad, positive or negative, is rigid. And Rigidity in the face of complexity is toxic. we need greater levels of emotional agility for #TrueResilience and thriving."
Being able to feel #Vulnerable right now is a strength to help us cope with this crisis, because we know everyone is suffering at some level and sharing the load seems to be the way out. It is the basic foundation for Emotional Agility (check out Brene Brown's TED talk on "The Power of Vulnerability"). Companies and Business Leaders are responding in different ways, and how they show their response will either build TRUST in the community or create disTrust instead.
John Mackay shared in #ConsciousCapitalism, "When people are under intense stress, we tend to contract, to find someplace that feels familiar and safe. However, the best strategy most of the time is the opposite, which is to expand, to open our hearts and minds further, to make ourselves paradoxically even more vulnerable."
When we understand that our emotions are just data to help us understand what is important for us, by labelling those emotions as accurately as possible, we can identify the values and needs that drive those feelings and allow ourselves to feel them without judgment. This helps us recognise that it is normal to feel that way and that we are not alone, which will actually make us feel more psychologically safe and calm down the emotions. Only then can we move on to a more empowered state that allows us to think more creatively and deal with the crisis. The fight or flight or freeze instinct starts when we are not feeling safe and secure. That's why it's so important to reach out to talk to someone who will listen and not be isolated in contraction, and for the listeners to not judge the emerging emotions we have or try to fix our thinking. In this HBR article, Susan shared the 4 practices to build these critical skills for leaders: Recognize your patterns, label your thoughts and emotions, accept them, and act on your values.
In times like this, saying our fears out loud will probably be the fastest way to release its hold on us if we are stuck in denial, and will allow us to move us forward, think creatively, and have the courage to take fast and agile actions. At all times, self-compassion will actually move us through tangled emotions faster, as compared to pushing ourselves with more criticism. We can't show others compassion when we don't give it to ourselves, so since the people you lead will also be going through the same thing, remember to acknowledge their feelings, show empathy, and help them realise that it is ok to be afraid.
In summary, I know that these emotional waves will be coming back again given that the impact of this crisis will be prolonged, and I will need to cultivate some emotional hygiene ritual every day so that it does not get "clogged up" and hit me and turn me into a cranky bitch!
Learn the steps to develop Emotional Agility from this HBR article here.
Check out Susan David's recent TED Crisis interview on "How to be your best self in times of crisis" here.
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